


Losing Grip

by Minethys



Category: Baldur's Gate
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-15
Updated: 2015-06-15
Packaged: 2018-04-04 11:16:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4135401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Minethys/pseuds/Minethys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Child of Bhaal, Anaria is struggling to keep a hold on her true self after losing her soul to Irenicus. Masquerading as drow in the city of Ust Natha leaves her vulnerable to the taint of her blood. Originally posted on the Forgotten Wars Projects forums.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Losing Grip

It seemed to Anaria that she moved in slow motion watching the horrified face of her half-prone victim. The drow woman's eyes shot a brief glance helplessly towards where her weapon lay on the arena floor, useless. She turned her eyes back to Anaria's face, her own a semblance of hatred and dismay. The fierce light of defiance still burned in those dark, loathing eyes. A light that Anaria was exultantly about to extinguish.

Anaria let a howl of triumph burst from her throat as the glistening wet edge of her sword arced gracefully downwards into it's final stroke. A rush of euphoria filled her as she felt the blade connect and rend through the flesh and sinew of the drow's neck. It ground savagely against bone for a split second before wrenching free, severing the head and sending a spray of hot blood spouting in all directions.

A resounding roar broke from the spectators as the head tumbled to the dirt. Anaria threw back her own head and let the sound of the crowd wash over her. The arena trembled with their applause and the stamping of feet. The rhythmic pounding thundered in her ears, merging with the sound of the blood rushing in her head. Her temples throbbed with the swift marching beat of her heart. She felt the tingle of her blood surging through every fibre of her body, the ache of her lungs as they laboured to supply that blood with fresh air. A feeling of immense satisfaction coursed through her. Of satisfaction and... pleasure.

It had been so easy. She had faced one opponent after another and she had killed them all. Not one could stand against her. She was barely even wounded. Something deep inside her laughed, a cold maleficent laugh from the depths of the darkest place in her soul. The place that called out for death and blood. Her jaw tightened and twisted into a grotesque smile.

A cooling sensation whispered across her skin. The sweat on her brow mixed with the blood that had sprayed her in the final stroke of the duel. She felt the trickle of the mingled sanguine fluid sliding from her cheek to seep insidiously between her lips. Instinctively her lips moved to lick the blood away. She felt the sharp sting of the liquid as it touched her tongue, sending a shock to her very core. The saline bitter taste sent a thrill of elation down her spine. She savoured the experience.

She opened her eyes and the image of the chanting crowd swam before her eyes. The smile spread across her face again. They were chanting for her. For the lives she had taken. The smell and the taste of blood burned fresh in her mind. They were chanting for her.

An inspiration seized her. Looking about the arena floor, she quickly located the severed head where it had rolled away from it's body. Clutching the hilts of her swords in her right hand, she grabbed the mass of matted red hair in her left. With a triumphant gesture she held the both arms aloft, displaying them for all to see. She made a slow circle on the spot giving all a chance to witness her victory. They were cheering for her, weren't they? This is what a drow would do, isn't it? I must play the part.

The renewed cheers of her audience showed their approval. She lowered her arms. With a careless toss she sent the head rolling off into the dirt again and strode purposely towards the exit of the pit. Praise and congratulations greeted her as she ascended, fuelling the excitement that still thrilled through her.

It was quite a different reaction from the one the rest of her party members were having. The group stood together by the railing of the pit as she approached them. All their eyes were fixed on her, holding their drow masks impassive but barely concealing the strong emotions beneath. She cast her gaze over each one in turn, a bitter amusement pulling at the corners of her lips. Anomen, Keldorn and Valygar wore similar expressions of horror and disgust at the violent debacle. Imoen was wide eyed and fearful, her face clearly showing her confusion at her sister's bloodthirstiness. Jahiera was stone-faced, but Anaria could feel the anger building underneath the druid's cold exterior. There was something dangerous in her eyes as they stared accusingly at her. _Beware the path you are treading, child. You become a danger to yourself._ Anaria defiantly returned the stare. What was everyone so upset about? She was just playing a role! They had to keep up appearances.

At last Anaria turned to Kelsey, but before she had time to ponder his expression a silky voice interrupted her appraisal.

"An impressive performance, Veldrin. I can see I will not come to regret placing the trust of House Despana in your abilities."

Anaria made an exaggerated bow. "I am honoured by your approval, Phaere."

Phaere smirked. "Oh, you will be." She turned her gaze to the rest of he party. "I notice however, Veldrin, that your followers do not seem to share in your victory. They should be pleased to serve a powerful female such as yourself. If you rise, they rise. If they are not happy at their good fortune, I might begin to doubt their loyalty." Phaere sneered slightly at the silent party.

Anaria put on a condescending tone. "Oh, I trust their loyalty well enough. They have seen me win many such battles, so my prowess is really nothing new to them." She heard Anomen give a snort and sent a reproving stare in his direction.

"Such arrogance, Veldrin, I can see why I like you so much," Phaere drawled. "Well, I shall leave you to your leisure and see you again in a few days. I hope our meetings continue to be so... entertaining."

Anaria watched as Phaere disappeared into the crowded tavern. She was suddenly aware of Kelsey at her side. His expression was grave. "We need to talk. Now."

She felt momentarily puzzled at the urgency in his voice, but again they were interrupted as the challenge master of the pit approached Anaria. He gave her a deferential bow, offering her a towel which she took to wipe off the blood that still stained her face and hands. Still flushed with the exertion of the battle she marvelled at how quickly the clean cloth turned to deep crimson. The pit master spoke reverently.

"Your skills are unmatched, female. We have no further challengers for you at the moment. But the crowd still demand entertainment now you have wetted their appetite." He turned his gaze towards Kelsey. "We do however have a spellcaster who wishes to try Lloth's favour. Perhaps your mage here would oblige us with a wizard's duel?"

The look on Kelsey's face was unmistakable. He was horrified at the prospect of duelling in the manner Anaria just had. But they were pretending to be drow. They had to act like drow didn't they? A challenge must be answered.

Pity flooded her for an instant as she looked on her lover. Even under the strange dark features, her sweet Kelsey was recognizable. Why was he so confused by her actions? She would never have forced him to fight this duel under normal circumstances, but she couldn't let their disguise slip. He could take a challenger on. Even to the death.

It was on the tip of her tongue to concede to the pit master's wishes, but she couldn't take her eyes form Kelsey. His brow wrinkled with concern. He was so attractive, even as a drow. Slender and beautiful, his movements almost cat-like at times. She grinned as the idea struck her.

Slipping her arm around him she bared her teeth, giving him a feral growl as she nipped the vulnerable exposed flesh of his neck. She pressed close against him. Something that he usually enjoyed. With barely concealed mirth she gave the pit master her answer.

"I'm sorry but I have... uses for this male elsewhere at the moment. Perhaps another time." She couldn't wait to get him alone.

The pit master bowed again as she manoeuvred Kelsey away from the others, towards the staircase that led to the private chambers of the inn. She slid her hand to his behind and gave him a very meaningful squeeze. Kelsey read her intentions clearly. This was no ploy to get themselves alone to speak. She was intent on enjoying herself.

"Anaria!" Kelsey hissed as soon a they were a little out of the crowd. "What has gotten into you!?"

She grabbed him by the front of his robes, crushing him against her. "I suggest you quicken your pace, male, before I lose my patience." She was amused by his look of outrage. It made her tingle all over. "You're so cute when you're angry," she whispered. He pulled away from her and headed swiftly up the stairs. She gladly chased up right behind him.

She caught up just as he was opening the doors to their chamber. She grabbed him as they slid inside the room. She slammed the door behind them, crushing him against it, her arms twining round him. She eagerly slid her tongue into his mouth and slipping a thigh in between his legs began to press closer to him.

He caught her off guard with a violent shove that nearly sent them both sprawling to the floor. No longer afraid, now that the heavy doors were between them and the rest of the tavern below, he yelled at her as loud as he dared.

"Anaria! What in the Hells has gotten into you? How can you act this way at a time like this!" His shock was genuine. Still undeterred she tried to close on him again.

"C'mon, Kelsey. I just wanted a little time alone with my favourite, yummy little sorcerer." He pushed her away again.

"After what you just did?! After cold-bloodedly slaughtering those people, you really want to make love! Listen to yourself!"

"Kelsey, I was just doing what was expected! I couldn't turn down a challenge! I had to fight!"

"Did you have to accept all the others? Did you have to be so bloody about it! Anaria, you cut off that woman's head and showed it to the crowd! I thought I was going to be sick!"

Anaria stood still. Her feelings drained for a second. She hadn't needed to do that, no.

"Anaria, you... enjoyed it."

She had. She had enjoyed it. The truth of it had come from his lips. The realization struck her dumb.

"You... I saw how you... Anaria... what's happening to you?"

She couldn't answer.

"Anaria?....Anaria?...."

Nothing.

Kelsey came closer to her, gently placing his hands on her shoulders. She looked down. Her black hands still had a reddish tint to them. Kelsey's robes were stained with blood where she had pressed her soiled garments against him. She looked into his eyes. The look of sorrow there pierced her heart. She was barely conscious of her choked words. "I'm sorry..."

His voice was gentle. "Anaria, I don't want to lose you. But I think... you're beginning to lose yourself. It's your father inside you isn't it? Your Bhaal essence is beginning to eat away at you. He's starting to gain control even when you're not the Slayer." Tears were rolling down Kelsey's face. "Anaria, I'm frightened. I'm... terrified that you're not going to be able to keep it at bay. It's this horrible place, I know. Pretending we're like them. But Anaria, please, please, try to control it. For you, for my sake, don't give up. Don't stop fighting it."

Kelsey's voice was broken with emotion. She put her arms around him and he stroked her hair. She felt a lump of ice in her stomach. She sobbed into his shoulder.

"I'm... I'm s-so sorry. I'm sorry Kelsey."

"Ssshhhh... It's alright. I'm here for you. I love you."

"I didn't want to... it was horrible. I'm horrible!"

"Ssshhhh... you're not horrible. I know you aren't. It's alright. I understand."

_No. You don't._ The dead cold feeling inside her had spread. But it wasn't dead. _You don't know Kelsey Coltrane. You don't know what it feels like to have this monster inside you. What it feels like to *be* a monster. I killed them, and I enjoyed it. I *loved* it. I could smell their fear, their blood, their death. I tasted it. And it tasted good. So good. Don't tell my you understand that, sorcerer. You don't know anything!_

Anaria felt a cold shock pass through her whole body. She shoved Kelsey away as violently as she could. The sound of her heart beating was rushing in her ears. She tried desperately to stop it, to slow it down, drown out the voice that whispered in her head of blood and death and murder. Kelsey stumbled to his feet.

"Get out! Get out now!"

Kelsey blanched.

"Anaria, NO! Fight it!"

"I said get out!"

The doors slammed behind him and Anaria let out a howl of pain as her body began to change. The scream fell into silence as the world blurred red before her eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Written back in 2003, this is the one piece of fan fiction I am not ashamed of. Kelsey Coltrane is not my original character but taken from a fantastic Mod written by jcompton on what is now the Pocket Plane group.


End file.
